april 15,2012-complicated

things are going seriously crazy. no joke. okay. drama is complicated. and urg. i mean, i would think if my friend said that he didnt date girls who are freshman, then he wouldnt. next thing i know..he is dating a freshman girl. i mean, i thought he didnt date freshman! i mean forreals bro!? yeah, she’s rich. and pretty. but ive heard good and bad things about her. i mean… do you really like her?or are you just dating her b/c she’s rich. and popular. and plays….volleyball and softball…but likes softball more? …… i mean you broke up with your ex-girlfriend this year, but you two had been dating for…what 2 years. since you were a freshman…i think. im not mentioning names, because well,  i dont want to. kay? anyways. i mean you’re cute and all, you’re a baseball player, and you’re tall..and your eyes are pretty…but i hope you arent using her. i mean, she was in my eoc or test room or whatever they call it, and she seemed really nice. i dont know her that well, so im not one to judge. i just hope you dont use her and then when you get what you want, you break her heart. i mean seriously. she is freaking rich too. yeah, so cut the crap. be honest. jeez. you are a jock too…i think. i mean whatever…”i rarely text” i bet you stayed up texting her. urg. did i forget to mention…. oh, this is what you say….”she’s special” to one of my other friends… you only date special freshman, or special people in general??? i mean, urg. yeah we’re only in hs, but seriously…. you go after her? dont you know she apparently hates my other friend? idk…..its so complicated. and by the way…be clear about your statements. i hope you know what you are doing, and what you are getting yourself into. IM NOT JEALOUS. OKAY. FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO ARE READING THIS AND THINK I AM. OKAY!? forreals. its just a hella complicated life and world. why are boys so complicated and hard to read???? will someone tell me why?!

Xoxo

PS…SORRY IM POSTING LATE…it was in drafts -___-

may 6,12012-sunday: thoughts and feelings.

i feel that the only way to express myself is through tumblr. like thinking positively and inspiring myself to go on and on and to never give up. even through the bad days. dont get me wrong i love my friends….but im cautious you know? i think they’re gonna stab me in the back someday, which is totally wrong to think i know….but im through trusting people sometimes.sometimes i think im done trusting you…but then we have days were its like i need someone to talk to and i hope i can trust you…you know? i know its wrong to hold grudges, but doesnt everyone hold grudges? i know ….let go of the past. i am trying. i hate that i see people that used to go to school with me, but they dont remember me because its been so long. or maybe they do, they just havent talked to me. or maybe idk. but i know ive changed. i have a new hair style that they havent seen or something. but i will never forget them. ever. we went to a school and were friends. we went to afterschool daycare and crap. okay. i just like to hold on to memories…is that wrong? it better not be. because im sure everyone has those memories that will be locked into their brains no matter what. WHOA.i just got supper deep there. but uhmm…anyways. i know that i have my family who will be there, but sometimes, i hate being an only child. i mean. come on. i want the joy of having an older brother or sister like my friends. yeah. LIFE ISNT PERFECT. I KNOW. but sometimes its like to much. all the freaking attention is on ME. YEAH THATS RIGHT. ME. and it sucks. okay. i know people are like. EWW BROTHERS AND SISTERS. well live with no brothers and sisters for like a year and see how you feel. okay. and stop telling me…. ohmygosh. you’re not spoiled? OKAY. I GET IT. I AM NOT SPOILED. SO WHAT? just because i dont go shopping every weekend and am not preppy doesnt mean anything in the long run. okay. i really dont care about being preppy. my parents raised me right. okay. they made sure that i was a good kid. okay. i know people judge me…but who cares? maybe i once did, and probably sometimes still do, but oh well. ever heard the saying, dont judge based on whats on the outside…judge the personality and brilliance within? probably not…since i made that quote up. props to me. but had a lot of thought and meaning towards it. i know that im probably one of the wierdest kids in school and that im hyper at times. and that i fangirl and that i love reading and getting good grades and that im a total nerd and geek, but oh well. i have support…i hope. why do i bring myself down so much? because of everything i have had to go through. yeah you may think, words dont hurt.. but they do alright. dont mess with me anymore. its ridiculous. and we’re in highschool not freaking middle school or elementary anymore. okay. it was wrong then too, and thats partly why i guess im such a freak alright. are you happy? you’ve utterly destroyed my confidence and self esteem. call me ugly. because that’s what i am. duh. GREAT…I HAVE TO THINK POSITIVE NOW…WHICH WONT HAPPEN at the moment. if you know me (from school) and follow me on here…. and we’re close, i guess its alright to talk to me about this rant…or if you’re just a tumblr friend feel free! alright guys im done…sorry it was so long.

Xoxo

Ps: my birthday is next sunday. may 13th, which also happens to be mothers day!

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feb. 27. 2012- Grateful;